This is the part when we have to be honest with ourselves. And your words don't have to be perfect.
This week was a struggle for me, and for others, no doubt. I had planned my week around a deadline, which meant that Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday morning were blocked out completely. There was not much time for writing, except a few minutes of journaling maybe in the morning. But certainly not enough time to process the events of the weekend, and the ensuing reactions.
As I watched it all unfold, I was struck by two thoughts:
I should be writing. Writing is what I do.
But I also knew, and two things I talk about in my seminars, that I had to be honest with myself:
And sometimes this is what writing looks like. It's why writers and artists often get made fun of for being daydreamers. It's why we get laughed at for getting lost staring out the window. Sometimes writing doesn't look like writing from the outside. Sometimes writing is getting lost in another world to understand this one.
But I also knew that every time I sat down to write, if I had tried, it would have been impossible, because I thought, when I sat down to write, what came out had to be perfect. It had to be the answer to every argument out there. It had to solve and explain everything. It had to be a masterpiece worthy of being written....
I had to get real. I know better than that. The art comes in the editing.
And that's why you have to know yourself first and distinguish between your voices and others'.
I had to know why I was writing at all. Was I really writing for a readership? Or was I writing for myself, to process things? Was this pressure to write coming from me, or some outside voices that I had internalized: You're a writer. They're all looking to you for the truth. You need to write something incredible. Be the writer you claim to be. (Emphasis on the "claim" and with an eye roll.)
As a writer, I knew I wanted to write. But I was creating the pressure on myself to do it. As a writer, though, I also knew that time is usually needed to produce my best work. Not so much time to write, but time to not write.
But I also knew that part of my need to write was my need to understand. To understand why these people were so angry, to understand them. I started to get down on myself because I thought I was being too easy on these people. Because I wanted to write something and have them actually listen. (Putting the reader, first, right?) And so I stumbled. But I also knew that it wasn't just about them. The potential reader. It was me. And I didn't need to be apologetic about it. It wasn't that I didn't want to offend anyone or that I wanted to increase some imaginary readership. It was that I truly wanted to understand so I could write something that meant something. That didn't ignore the realities—on all sides, if you will.
Because, I'll be honest: I've been there. Not the pitchfork/tiki/racist/hate part. But I've lived in the South, and I've lived in the darkness. There was a time when I blamed everyone else for all of my problems too. And I also knew that these people have been fed hate and racism their entire lives, and they've normalized it. They still live in the Civil War past and believe their freedoms have been taken away. They believe the government told them how to live their lives. And then they took their jobs. But they also were never taught to do anything about it. They have been taught to be so incredibly dependent on others that they don't even know how to think for themselves anymore. And most of them have never had the distance many of us have had. The opportunity to leave, to meet new people. They are stuck, and they have no way out.
Please, do not read this as my making excuses for them. They've had every opportunity. And by "they," we know I'm not talking about every single individual in the South. But I also know I've gotten to where I am because I was not deeply rooted in that life and those beliefs, I could see it for what it was, it bothered me, and I got out. And I get to talk with people every day who are making real changes in their own lives and others.
But in a culture steeped in tradition, it's easy to believe you're helpless. And maybe they are. How many of us are told to surround yourself by successful people? What's the difference that has made in your life? What if you have no access to successful people, except maybe those on TV, and one of them sounds a lot like you?
I am talking about writing and empathy, and how the two are linked.
And so, this is why writing can be sloppy, ugly even. You can't just say you have empathy and not be ready to go where that empathy will take you. Because sometimes you have to be comfortable with the discomfort of going somewhere no one wants to go. As I write this, I feel like I am making excuses for them, and that people will judge and critique me because they think I'm doing just that. It's also uncomfortable, because in my entire body, I feel and know that this hate is disgusting and despicable, and I think there is no room for it, and it amazes me these words and rhetoric still abound.
But that's why I spend so much time with words and rhetoric. We sometimes treat words with not enough respect, because it is a tool we all use. And because it's how we see and understand the world, it has the double-sided dilemma of being underappreciated and overused. (All cliches start as truth.)
How can you help someone when you're simply spewing rhetoric? Repeating empty words? Not fully connected with the words you are writing or speaking? It's like using your computer to tell a person shipwrecked and without Internet connection to watch the YouTube video on how to sail a boat. Seems laughable for the weight of the topic, but that's what it is.
A bunch of people giving their versions of the truth, but no one is listening. (Of course, another aspect of this is that many people's version of the truth is not their own, and that can make it hard to argue.) We're using the same words but giving them different meanings, and no one seems willing to take the time and care these sorts of words require.
If you noticed, a lot of the problem was caused by a lot of people saying a lot of things, or not enough things, or the wrong things. We have developed this need to say something immediately. The really thoughtful things I saw or heard said came days after the news broke. But there were still plenty of other platforms on which people just felt the need to fill space.
It's one of the other things I talk about a lot: this need to always be saying something. But you don't. One of the best ways to be heard over all the noise is to not talk all the time. For example, we all rejoiced when Obama finally tweeted something (and, he even quoted someone else).
And so another thing we're seeing, that writers should be meticulous about, are the use of words. Words that are being thrown around without much care. One of the things I've been wanting to do when I finally had the time was to look up the words everyone was using. Were they using them correctly? What were the connotations behind these words? Is it fair to use them? What are the emotions these words strike in the hearts of others? Am I prepared to embrace the power in that word?
Words are powerful. The words we use are important.
This is a care I don't see taken very often. But it also shouldn't keep us from writing. Using words and writing them are a wonderful way to explore your connection to them and the rest of the world. It even gives you a chance to question your own opinions or beliefs. Do I really believe this? Or am I just using words that I'm hearing everyone else use? What do these words mean to me? Are there other words that are more honest?
Another important detail to remember is to be aware of where you are right now. There was a piece of me that still felt like the journalist I was (and yes, might honestly always be a part of me). I thought, I needed to be the voice, the reporter on the front lines. I should be the byline people are reading. I'm the person people should be going to for answers.
But that's not me anymore. On several levels. I don't have an automatic platform with built-in readership. I'm not writing on deadline every day. And those might be good things. Or they might just be.
And so, for many of you, you have to look at what you are in the position to do, right now.
Some of you are healers. Some of you are coaches. Some of you can help us breathe and be present.
And each of these skills and services are so very much needed right now.
I am a writer. So I want to write. It's the thing I feel like I can do in this world. Others may organize. Some may speak. We have to understand our purpose and our strengths.
And right now, perhaps our distance is our strength. And yet, in fact, I almost felt guilt for my distance, but I also knew that it is that distance that benefits me right now. I do have time to stop, breathe, and think. I don't have to react. And I think those in the midst of Charlottesville right now could use some distance. I'm sure some of the people are wishing for a pause. A chance to breathe and think about what to do next. But they are caught up in the emotions. Trapped by the crowd.
Our strength lies in our not having to act right now. I know it's hard with the constant information and group think, but really, right now is a perfect time to stop, think, and wonder: What can I do? We don't have to act immediately.
And so, in my distance, I took the time to be honest with myself, and I reached in to explore the words. And it wasn't pretty at first. Far from it. (This post should show you that.) I wanted to show you that it's okay to write anything, or not write anything, and be okay with the ugliness of it, if that's what comes out. But I went from feeling helpless to feeling inspired. From "What can I do?" to "What I can do." Period. A change in the order of the same words, and different punctuation, and all of a sudden, it was clear again. It made more sense. And as you can see: I'm writing.
The list of How-To books for writing can be daunting—everyone has an opinion. There are a lot of them out there, a lot that are no good. And even worse, there are a lot of good ones too. It's really a personal choice. Which is why you must know yourself before you seek outside yourself.
However, that said, my go-to how-to resource for any writer is simple:
Sure, it gets complicated after that. Merriam-Webster or Oxford?—don't do Oxford; it's for British English—online or book form?
I confess, I kept a dictionary from college for years and relied on the analog version heavily. But after such heavy usage, it could hardly stay together anymore. So I subscribe now to the unabridged Merriam Webster dictionary online. And I get the M-W Word of the Day sent to my email. It's usually the very first email I get every morning. And that makes me very happy.
So while I think most how-to writing resources out there are not needed, the dictionary (and with it the thesaurus) is indispensable. With this invaluable resource, I get to learn the base of words and its history—and with that knowledge, I can also decide if I want to throw it all away and give an old word a new twist. But I can't do that without the confidence of what a word means to start with, and if a better word already exists. (Not to mention if I'm spelling it right.)
Welcome to the first full day of fall. It's gray, rainy, and beautiful here in Portland. I invite you to fall in love with whatever this day brings to you.
I love puns
This is something I have always known about myself. I love puns. That and alliteration. I love alliteration.
Some will tell you it's overused so don't use it. It might be overused, but mostly, it's words' misuse that is a problem. I will never tell you to never use a word or words. If something is overused, it's because we have overpopulated the planet, and underpopulated our vocabulary. It's not the words' fault.
So why all this talk about puns?
Because it's a poetic device. And because, as you might note in my subject line, I welcome you to fall: the season...and also the leap of faith.
I have been struggling with the fall. Allowing it to happen. Figuring out what to do with it. Putting myself and my work out there.
In a journal entry recently, I wrote, "No one is going to catch you if you don't let yourself fall."
I have real control issues. I have vivid expectations, and I believe I fail every time reality falls short.
But here's the other thing about me: I also really love metaphors. Love love LOVE metaphors. They help me examine things I wouldn't otherwise comprehend.
Sort of the forest for the trees. I couldn't see all of the opportunities for what they are if I didn't have a big picture in mind, a Big Idea that guides my everything. Words would be just words if they were not my avenue to Truth. Truth through words is my way of understanding the world around me. When I see truth in words, I see the world differently. I start to understand the world, and more importantly, I start to understand things about myself. For example, I get excited about my ideas, but I often fall upon my very first step because of that excitement. I'm not very good at baby steps. For me, metaphors help me put things in a way that is more applicable, and accessible.
I also love big ideas
I have to confess something. This week was supposed to be the start of my first-ever Free Your Voice writing workshop.
It didn't happen.
But several other, very important things did. For one, I learned that initial excitement, for me, rarely translates to a successful project. I have to learn how to cash in on that rush, but then find a way to carry that through the rest of the work. Because there's always lots of work that needs to be done.
But the really big thing that happened was that I spent the weekend with the most amazing group of women, and a couple of kindhearted men. During the weekend we all shared our Big Ideas.
The funny thing, though, is that my Big Idea somehow changed the instant I walked through the door. Because sometimes we have a Big Idea that has to happen right now. And it defers all other actions. But it doesn't make those other ideas irrelevant or less important; it just postpones them. We have to know enough about ourselves to know what we really want and why we want it. Sometimes the universe simply helps us make it easier. (Given the choice, most of us would actually try to—and do—make it harder. Cold. Hard. Fact.)
For me, my Big Idea in the moment is to share my writing. And this weekend, I finally felt safe to do that. Because the women in the group provided space for it. They told me truths that I, with all of my words and wording, would have struggled to convince myself of.
But here's the thing: I don't want to share just my writing, I want to share writing in general. I want the world to experience it. I want other women to free their voices. This weekend I shared space with women who need to be heard. But we all have the same fears, the same hopes, even in our different ideas. That's why I realized, to share my writing has to come first, but by doing so, I am serving the women who also need to be heard.
In our differences we are the same
One of the things I hear over and over again is: "I can't put it into words" or "I have a hard time communicating my idea." And yet, almost without fail, I hear these same women, again and again, put their ideas into words beautifully.
Where there is passion, there is poetry
Where there is doubt, fear, there is society
The first thing I tell anyone who wants to write, or start a business, or follow a dream is: Know Yourself. It is beyond crucial. It is imperative. It is chief, paramount—singular. It is how we learn to discern between Your Voice and all the other voices of the world that have gotten stuck in our heads. It is why so many writers are known for their solitude. Why we look inward. To find the universal truth. A truth that speaks to everyone.
We need you to show up in the world as yourself.
My challenge to you...and myself
As fall starts, I struggle to not go immediately in, to watch the world from inside. That time will come. But first, I have work to do. It is harvest time. Before I can go in, I have to finish what I've started, reap what I've sown. That is why I am going to continue out this year as an editor, providing a high level of service to my clients. I will work with a consultant to develop a strategy to bring writing to women entrepreneurs and change-makers. I will also be compiling all of the work and poetry I have written over the years and print it.
You may be looking for answers. And you might turn outward to find them. But my challenge for you is to go back and look at what you have written—this week, this year, five, ten, twenty years ago. I think you know where to look. I think you already know the answer. And if you've not written it down, know this:
Sometimes the answer is in the asking.
"The great art of writing is the art of making people real to themselves through words." —Logan Perasall Smith
I invite you to fall. Learn more about my Fall Writing Workshop series.